In hindi there is an old proverb, "Jag me sabse bara rupaiya beta baap bada na bahia", which roughly means that "money is the greatest thing in the world and son, father or brother means nothing..."
When I was younger, I sometimes wondered why it was that families would fight over money, or why life-long partners could decide to divorce after years of being together. I've had two experiences in the past few years which have helped me better understand why some relationships come to a bitter end.
The first involved my business partner in what is now pretty much a failed venture. For a couple of years, everything was going smoothly. Our relationship was growing. The prospects for the business looked encouraging. He and I became good buddies; our families spent time together and we learned a great deal about each other. We were on a natural high with the dreams we both mutually shared.
When the business became strapped for cash, however, and we both realized the ship was sinking, things changed - quickly. My friend of so many years suddenly demanded to be in charge (before this point, we were both equal "co-owners"). We started to disagree on very fundamental decisions. When I refused to give-in, the business soon thereafter folded, and we never spoke again --- that was about 2 years ago. In the end, things got ugly.
The second experience involves my dad, who recently passed away. Once again this evil headed monster -- power and control -- is beginning to show its ugly head once again. This time, unfortunately, with my brother.
I'm amazed how money, power, and control change people even with the best intentions. My former business partner and friend of many years, and now, my brother, seem to be strangers.
This is obviously a big challenge for me to deal with. And i'm guessing it won't be the last time. I'm feeling betrayed, frustrated, hurt, and more than anything else, angry!
Question: What does Nichiren Buddhism say about this situation?
Answer: Well, there's a lot I believe it says.
First, I started with a Buddhist definition of anger -- the Soka Gakkai Dictionary of Buddhism says, on "anger", the following:
"In Buddhism, one of the three poisons, or three sources of vice and suffering, the other two being greed and foolishness. In Buddhism, anger refers particularly to malice born of hatred and is regarded as a great obstacle to Buddhist practice. It is seen as preventing one's heart from turning to goodness and as destroying the good roots of benefit accumulated through Buddhist practice. T'ient'ai (538-597) says in The Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra, "Because anger increases in intensity, armed strife occurs. Buddhism emphasizes the practice of compassion and forbearance."
Ok...that helps...a little. But I know the anger is still there.
Second, Nichiren Buddhism speaks quite a bit of mirrors. Indeed, so much so that we believe human relations function as a kind of mirror -- we believe the people around us reflect our own state of life. I know this may be hard to swallow for casual readers of this blog, unexperienced with the daily practice of Nichiren Buddhism. So let me try to explain a little more to see if I can explain why we believe this.
"The environment that we find ourselves in, whether favorable or not, is the product of our own life. Most people fail to understand this, and tend to blame others for their troubles. To a greater or lesser extent, all people tend to see their own reflection in others. To a person who is possessed by the lust for power, even the most selfless, benevolent actions of others will appear as cunning moves undertaken to gain power. Similarly, to a person who has a strong desire for fame, actions based on conviction and consideration will be seen as publicity stunts. Those who have become slaves of money simply cannot believe that there are people in the world who are strangers to the desire for wealth."
How does this help me as a Buddhist living in modern-day society - as opposed to packing up, selling everything, and moving to a cave in the Himalayas? Well, it reminds me that ultimately, responsiblity for my environment -- and the people I find in it -- is completely my doing. That is to say, the environment in which I find myself, at any given moment, is the result of a series of choices i've made in the past.
My former business partner, and my brother, are reflections of my state of life. My state of life represents the outcome, or effect, of all of my past decisions and actions, or causes.
So I will chant to elevate my life-condition from one of anger to one of compassion, patience, and altruism. I'm going to chant to let go of the anger. And when my life-condition improves, I suspect, and as Nichiren Buddhism predicts, so too will my environment.
